Was Lost Now Found, Write Again.

In these days where likes and pictures are of abundance and attention span is shorter than the speed of light.

What do we write about?

I had fond memories of a time where I had enjoyed penning down thoughts and poetry in my journals. All these wonderful little snippets of romance and humour would pour out of my very crowded mind and into stories and writings.

My younger sister and I used to send each other letters that we would fold and “send” via sliding under the bedroom doors.

How magical it felt, to receive words that someone had put thought into and to have it physical in the form of handwriting.

I know it is ironic, as I too am a social media slut and an advocate of getting instant gratification. I mean, who doesn’t like to get that fast, hard and well, good or bad response, instantly?

But. And it is a huge but; there is something so romantic about getting that letter and savouring it.

The feel of the paper that the person has chosen. The curves of the handwriting. Even the smell of the pen that was left behind.

I use to and still do on and off, write romantic poetry on paper napkins, little notes from scrapbooks and seal them with kisses ( I would put on my lipstick and kiss the paper) and stuff them into the bags or pockets of someone I care for.

Somehow as the years passed I lost time, energy and creativity to write.

Marriage, Kids, the many things that came into my life seem to scream for my attention. Writing took 2nd, 3rd well not even a space in my line in the line up of my life. A greater part to my reason for stopping was my lack of confidence in my writing. I never was a strong English student. My grammer is all over the place and so forth. And though I have a great love for reading which fuels and shape my writingthat too has sat waiting quietly in a corner of my busy, lack of focus mind.

I keep telling myself, I will write when I am better focus, when I have time, when the voices in my head is not all over the place. Then nothing gets written or shared.

So, why am i writing again?

I guess, even though I am so unfocus and messy. There is so much I would like to say. I want to be remembered not only for my poetry and my somewhat attempt to have a “real” instagramable life. But be remembered for things that matter to me. Things that I have in my mind which is dear or fun to me.

My craving to write again started when a friend loan me this lap top that stood in the corner of my room waiting to be touched. I looked at it, fondled it and imagine the possiblity of writing again.

As the last few months unfolded, circumstances and muse came into my life once again and i feel this stirring start again. And since we only live once and if you do not try to start how do you begin. I stripped myself from the thought that perhaps I may the only reader to this. So what then.

This is for me. My journey. Perhaps a chance for my kids to open this up one day and read contact with something here that their Ma has left behind.

So I shall pour my heart and soul into some words and let it flow. Let’s see where this writing journey leads me?

I look forward to hearing feedbacks and reading your letters and journey in this land of scribes and imagination.

Shall we begin our journey?

Thank you for reading.

Just words, Just me,

P

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Try to Understand.

Why doesn’t euphoria last?

Like a cigarette in your hand if goes up in smoke,

Even when you feel completely loved.

Why the need to dig the wound that torments you all the time?
Am i ill?
Are you ill at times even at peace?
What is my peace?
Why the raging storms?
Can i hid in your arms for a moment?
What then when they are gone?
Like the wind.
Like dust.
Like ashes.
We all come to pass.
We all pass.
I wish i could put to death that part of soul,
but does it anchor me
Or haunt me?
I need no saving.
Maybe i need this pain?
I dont understand why
but maybe one day i might.
I deal with it.
Pray and move with it.
Hopefully peace will fix it?
Do i want fixing?
Do i?

You, get me.

I wouldn’t change a thing.
Not a lyric to the melody of our love song.
Not from the bars of pain that echos from my veins,
The shrill of highs and the sweet harmonies.

I never knew love like this.
Intense. Raw. Comforting. Disarming.
Drafted in a moment to last for eternity.
Like a tap of emotions,
Your love poured forth onto me,
I had no time but to free fall into it,
Eyes closed.
Heart opened.

No regrets my love.
Even if this moment was for a beat.
I could never feel this way again
No one could love me the way you do from my head to my feet.
You see me and i you.
Two mirrors echoing in the night,
Never fading from the light,
Ever lasting till it is nothing but right.

Le Cinema

Being with you
makes the days without you worth more.
No one can truly understand the power you have over this.
Being with you
gives me wings in more was than one,
you make me sing.
It is as sweet as i want
and pretend it to be.

Image via https://weheartit.com/entry/11333723

Mama 

🌸Dedicated to my Mummy who has been with me through it all. Blessed Mother’s Day. 妈母亲节快乐🌸
And to all mothers, godmas,grandmas and mothers to be. Blessed Mother’s Day🌹
Mama 

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I can’t remember how it felt to be born and to be in my mother’s hands that 1st time….
I can’t remember how my son or daughter smelt like when they were placed in mine. 
All I remember is feeling that I would never be the same me ever again. 
That love at 1st sight feeling is indescribable and the bond unbreakable.
Seeing my son sleep and I sneak him a whisper of love. 
Seeing my girl tossing in her crib,

I bend over and kiss her.
I’ll never love like this ever again. 
Each moment, each fear, each heartbreak of theirs forever linked mine.
Every experince in your life. 
Each love, each failure and Victories live it well and savor it. 
Be brave. Be faithful. Fight for what you believe in and always be kind. 
Be better than me and your Father. 
And always 

always 

Always…. 
I’m proud and you are loved. 
Thank you for calling me mama 

my sweet babies.